Wednesday, August 20, 2014

The person that is me

I've been thinking about blogging more over the last few months.  Not sure how blogs get noticed or followed, but I guess that doesn't really matter.  I've had this feeling that I should share my experiences; truly horrifying.  Unfortunately, these posts won't always be filled with laughter and cupcakes.  It's really just my life stripped bare.  This is scary for me, because I don't share.  I'm a very private person, and shudder that someone will judge me or dislike me for who I really am.  Yes, I have this thing about wanting everyone to like me.... because it hurts me when they don't.  I know, I'm broken.  So here it goes, my first REAL post.

In recent news I learned that Robin Williams committed suicide.  Someone who made people laugh for years, and seemed to have it all, could not bare his demons any longer.  It greatly saddened me to hear about his troubled life, because I know how it feels.

I have suffered from depression for many years.  Over the last three, it has become harder and harder for me to cope with everyday life.  I'm not suicidal.  But I do have days where I would rather hide and ignore my life than live it.  This is extremely hard when you have a family to care for.  There are days when I feel so sorry for my boys, because I'm not being the fantastic mother they deserve.  I am saddened that my husband has to deal with this "shell" of a person, when he deserves a happy, loving wife.

I am not always depressed.  I can go weeks feeling happy and motivated.  But, the dark days can take their toll.  Daily life can be an enormous task.  I guess that's what I want this blog to be about.  My ways of dealing with this disease, how my family deals with it, and hopefully some inspiration to someone that may also be dealing with it.

I guess we'll see how it goes.


3 comments:

lrsmith18 said...

Do it, girl! You've got this!

Mary said...

Sounds like a good idea to me.

starstruck_texan said...

Thanks for being willing to share your experiences good and bad. When you have down days and need to get out and about just give me a call.