I haven't posted in a long while.  I think talking about my life, my emotions, can be hard.  Especially when I'm going through a difficult time.  I saw this video today and wanted to share.  Sometimes we just need to realize that we are not a burden.

People love you.  They need you.  And are there for you.  It's okay to reach out and share your feelings of despair.  You Are Not Alone.  I hope this helps those that suffer, and those that want to help.



Video link:   Sitting on the Bench

I've been obsessing lately.  I hate it.  My mind is completely preoccupied with the "what if."  I'm not sure what it all really means, but I know it's something I could do without.  ha

The kids are starting school on Monday.  Oh happy day.  Yes, that's really how I feel.  I think summer should only be two months long.  The last month is just too taxing on me, and the kids are so restless.

My religious beliefs have brought me to this point in my life; being the stay-at-home mom.  It's not a requirement of the LDS church, but it is encouraged for those that are able to do it.  I thought it was important, and I know the kids have loved being home with their mom.  But it has not been easy for me at all!  I quit my job and moved to Texas at the same time.  I attribute this change to my mental anxiety! :)  I love my boys, but I never knew how hard it would be.

I wish I could find complete joy in this way of life, but I've realized I need something more. Hence the change in careers.  Nursing will give me the escape, but also allow me to be there for them when they need me.  I want to be the mom they deserve, and I know that this will allow me to be better. Fingers crossed.

The person that is me

I've been thinking about blogging more over the last few months.  Not sure how blogs get noticed or followed, but I guess that doesn't really matter.  I've had this feeling that I should share my experiences; truly horrifying.  Unfortunately, these posts won't always be filled with laughter and cupcakes.  It's really just my life stripped bare.  This is scary for me, because I don't share.  I'm a very private person, and shudder that someone will judge me or dislike me for who I really am.  Yes, I have this thing about wanting everyone to like me.... because it hurts me when they don't.  I know, I'm broken.  So here it goes, my first REAL post.

In recent news I learned that Robin Williams committed suicide.  Someone who made people laugh for years, and seemed to have it all, could not bare his demons any longer.  It greatly saddened me to hear about his troubled life, because I know how it feels.

I have suffered from depression for many years.  Over the last three, it has become harder and harder for me to cope with everyday life.  I'm not suicidal.  But I do have days where I would rather hide and ignore my life than live it.  This is extremely hard when you have a family to care for.  There are days when I feel so sorry for my boys, because I'm not being the fantastic mother they deserve.  I am saddened that my husband has to deal with this "shell" of a person, when he deserves a happy, loving wife.

I am not always depressed.  I can go weeks feeling happy and motivated.  But, the dark days can take their toll.  Daily life can be an enormous task.  I guess that's what I want this blog to be about.  My ways of dealing with this disease, how my family deals with it, and hopefully some inspiration to someone that may also be dealing with it.

I guess we'll see how it goes.

My Baby is Three

My little baby is three today.  Such a bitter sweet moment for me.  I was so not ready for him to enter the world, but could not imagine life without him.  He is my love bug, my angel, my bringer of peace.  He truly is a blessing from God.  So grateful to have him in my life, to be his mom, and to snuggle with him whenever I want!

Happy Birthday Easton

The infamous scowl.

His favorite Great-Grandma Bea.

Always willing to entertain his mama

Beautiful hair

The scrunchy face, my favorite

My adorable clown.

How can you not love that face?

Last Day!

First day

Last day

I cannot believe summer is finally here.  Kindergarten was fun and a challenge for Asher, and for me.  All the homework, projects, field trips, parties, presentations, lunches, more lunches, and teacher gifts have completely warn me out!  We are glad for the break.

Asher's class had a cute presentation for the parents this morning.  It was sweet, and I could tell that Mrs. Hopkins loved her class and would miss them.

I'm glad to say Asher had a great 2nd half of school.  Once we figured out what worked best, he was able to excel and do his best.  Yay! I'm glad he had a good teacher, and supportive vice-principal.  It really made a difference for him and for me.

Hope everyone has a wonderful, fun-filled summer!

Country Flavor

I am blessed to have a few very talented chefs in my family.  My uncle is a professional, while my aunt and cousin or self taught.  All of them are amazing in the kitchen (and out).  I have been able to watch them create amazing dishes, and probably indulged on way too many.

I in no way have their skills, but there are times when I stumble upon a gem of a recipe.  This one is inspired by my aunt's chili she made for me a couple of months ago.  Thank you Aunt Pam!

Crock-pot Venison Chili

We have an over abundance of venison in our freezers thanks to the prowess of my husband.  This was the reason why I made it in the first place; and to my surprise, the pot was scraped clean.  If it can pass the husband test, I think it's worth posting. 

1 lb Venison stew meat (frozen)

1 packet McCormick's Chicken chili seasoning packet

1 cup water

1 can cannelini beans

1 can diced tomatoes (with juice)

2 cloves garlic

Place meat in crock-pot and sprinkle seasoning over meat.  Pour water, tomatoes, beans, and garlic on top.  Stir ingredients to mix with seasoning.  Cook on high 2-3 hours or until meat is done (no more than 4 hours).

Enjoy!

Birthday Love for My Asher

My little boy is not so little anymore!  I can't believe the changes in him over the last year.  Six is such a huge milestone.  He is much more aware, independent, and helpful.  I really appreciate him.

Even though it was a school day, we planned to spend as much time with him as possible.  Trevor took the day off and worked as a "Watch Dog" for the day (Dads of Great Students).  He got to spend time in Asher's classroom, and work with other kids in the school.  We had lunch with him, and brought his favorite food, Chik-fil-a chicken nuggets!  He even had awesome Ninja cupcakes to share with his class. 

The most exciting part of the day was the activity Trevor planned for him after school.  SWIMMING!  What else would you do in January?  Thank goodness it was indoors and heated!!!

We ended the day with Asher's favorite meal - Pizza - with an awesome cinnapie for dessert.  He is such a lucky little boy!!

I have to say he is one of the greatest people I know.  I love his sweet, loving, mischievous personality.  Life is so much brighter with him in it. 

Happy 6th Birthday Ash-Man.  I hope you had as much fun as we did.  We love you more than anything!!!